Monday, October 02, 2006

In the following sentence the writer gets lost in emotive language:


With this in mind, the following policies,
standards, and procedures
are intended to be a practical implementation
of 'loving your neighbour' by taking measures to significantly reduce the
chances of a 'perceived' or (worse) 'real' incident of sexual misconduct
within the parish community and the attendant "after the fact" disruptive,
destructive events and activities which prevent the parishes' important
business of fully and lovingly worshiping God and supporting one another.

The noun here "the following policies, standards, and procedures" is forgotten
by the time the writer reaches "by taking measures". There is no subject that
"by taking measures" can refer to. In addition to this problem, the emotive language does not make the writer's intent clear. The sentence must be rewritten :

"The following policies, standards and procedures are intended to be a practical implementation of "loving your neighbour". If followed, they will reduce the chances of sexual misconduct."

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